Suicide
by Foz
Summary: This is a super short Harry Potter fanfic. I was wondering the thought of "what if Harry tried to commit suicide?", and I took it from there. I don't own the HP and co. Oh yeah - this story is OotP compliant.


Suicide  
  
By Foz  
  
Everything was blacker than the darkest night, he could see and feel nothing; the darkness was so thick it was almost tangible. Groping around, he tried to grab hold of something. There! It's... a person? He pulled the person closer. The figure came into view, and it caused Harry to retch. Badly decomposing, with maggots eating in and out of the flesh was Cedric. Harry tried to push the figure away, but he was suspended in midair, the figure animated and moved closer to the squirming Harry and then spoke.  
  
"You killed me. I'm just a spare... remember? It's your fault!"  
  
Before he could answer, the maggots rushed all over the figure blocking it from view, and then traveled back into the corpse, revealing another figure.  
  
"You killed me, if you had checked with the mirror, I'd still be alive. You were foolish!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
The corpse collapsed, the maggots fell away and once more, leaving the utter blackness. The pain! Harry's scar burned with fury, and a high-pitched cold laugh tore through the black mist surrounding him. The pale face, with the burning red slit eyes shone in the darkness, before all the black mists dissipated into the night.   
  
Harry was floating about a foot off the ground; in fact he was a foot from a grave. Harry looked around... he was at the graveyard again.   
  
"You know, it's because that you are still alive that you caused people to die. If you were dead, I would not have killed those people. It is your fault. You resist me; so you can watch all these people die..."  
  
Voldemort clicked his fingers, the graveyard shuddered to life and the graves exploded open.  
  
The closest one was Hagrid who turned to him and said, "It's all yer bloody fault, you weren't there fer me!" before green light erupted around him, causing him to shriek, "THIS IS YER FAULT HARRY!" before being swallowed up by the ground.  
  
Harry tried to speak, but his vocal cords tightened, not letting his voice cry out against this atrocity.  
  
The next figure walked into view. Mrs. Weasley glared at Harry with so much venom that it hurt. "YOU! AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU! TAKING YOU IN AS ONE OF MY OWN! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? YOU CANNOT BE RELIED ON! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she had managed to declare before being encompassed with green light and the ground swallowing her up whole.  
  
Tears streaked down Harry's face, blurring his vision while he was trying to break out of his invisible prison.   
  
Remus Lupin turned to him. "Is this how you love people? Kill them off? You are no better than Voldemort. It IS your fault, and you cannot do anything about it. I hate you!" Again, a green light covered him and the ground swallowed him up.  
  
Voldemort stepped forward cackling, causing the pain in Harry's scar to throb violently. "Hagrid's dead. It's your fault. All your fault. Your Mother and Father, Cedric, Sirius, Hagrid, Molly, Remus. Who else is going to die just because you're the famous Harry Potter? People will die while you are alive, and you know it." The figure of Voldemort cackled, and three figures came into view. "Who should I aim for next? Your mudblood friend here? Or how about your best friend Ron? Or even... Ginny? Hmmm I bet she would make a wonderful queen of evil..."   
  
Voldemort stroked one of his long fingers down Ginny's face, causing her to smile longingly at Voldemort, "For you Master, it would be an honour!"  
  
***  
  
"NO!" yelled Harry, springing up from his bed, soaked in a cold sweat, breathing so fast he was almost hyper ventilating.  
  
He looked around his dormitory; all the others were still asleep thanks to the silencing charm around his bed, so the others did not have to face the nightmares that Harry faced. Harry collapsed back onto the bed, putting his face in his hands; a thought stuck him. A solution. It would end all of his problems.  
  
Shaking and shivering, he got out of bed, put on his robe, and padded out of the dormitory, through the common room and out of the portrait. He didn't bother checking for others but he passed no one, nor did he hear anyone. His mind was set; nothing else mattered. No one else could help him; there was no one he could share his feelings to. Not without seeming weak. Too many people required him to be strong. Well strong or not, this had to come to an end.  
  
He reached his destination, the Astronomy Tower.   
  
Slowly he climbed the stairs to the top, and headed straight to the balcony. Carefully, he climbed out onto the edge of the balcony, and looked down. It was a good distance with stone at the bottom. Perfect.  
  
Then Harry began, he told the world of his life; people depending on him and all he could do was bottle all of his own problems in; What his own problems were and that he had had enough. Tonight he was going to end all of it.  
  
Harry looked down, nodded, and then leapt. A scream came from behind him - a female voice. In mid-air he twisted and saw Ginny, tears streaking down her face. But it was too late. He was already gone. The ground came up to meet him and Harry's world went black.  
  
***  
  
//Hello.// said the shrouded figure.  
  
Harry hazarded a guess. "Death?"  
  
//Yes.//  
  
"Oh good, I'm dead. What now?"  
  
//Oh you're not dead. At least, not yet.//  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
//You are nearly dead and nearly alive. You will live or die according to your will to survive.//  
  
"But I don't want to live! Too many people expect too much from me! All those are people dying because of me. I don't want that. I don't want people's blood on my hands!"  
  
//People will die for you, because they believe you can save the rest of them.//  
  
"Well, they're wrong! And they can choose someone else."  
  
//There is no one else.//  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
//Your action has caused a split of two possible outcomes. Although we can't see the details, we can see the general gist of the outcome.//  
  
"So what you're saying is that two possible things can happen, but which one happens is not yet decided?"  
  
//Yes, that is correct. Come, I will show you the future if you live.//  
  
The world faded away and a battlefield appeared.   
  
On the grounds of Hogwarts. Death Eaters, Dementors, Goblins, Acromantulas and many more dark creatures were fighting hundreds of aurors, teachers and students. In the forefront of the fight were Harry and Voldemort.   
  
A blinding flash of light and Voldemort was screaming in pain, his flesh rotting until Voldemort was no more. The dark creatures fled, as did the remaining Death Eaters.   
  
The world faded again, and reappeared.   
  
Hogsmeade was being rebuilt, people were laughing, and life went on, putting the dark past behind them.  
  
//This is the legacy that you will create if you live. Yes, people will die, that is the nature of war, however, and people are dying so others may live.//  
  
Harry snorted, "Okay then, let's see what happens if I die then."  
  
//Very well.//  
  
The world faded and they appeared in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was speaking to a number of people.   
  
"Harry's death has left us a problem. Harry was the only person that has the wizarding might to stand up to Voldemort. Not even I match up to that strength. Maybe, if we combine our energies together, we can defeat him, however, we will have to get him on his own."  
  
All the people in his office started arguing while the world faded and reappeared once more.   
  
It was the battlefield on Hogwarts once more, the same situation occurring, however it was Dumbledore up front.  
  
There was a flash of green light, and Dumbledore flew backward. Dead. There were more and more flashes of green light. The world zoomed in on one of the last survivors. Ron Weasley. Just before he died, he yelled into the sky, "Harry, why did you kill yourself! You killed us all because of that." and then a steam of green light struck him.  
  
Harry was in tears, "No! NO! Stop this!"  
  
//I'm afraid not, you see, now Voldemort has killed off any resistance to himself, you must now see what happens. This will become the legacy you leave behind if you die.//  
  
The world faded and reappeared. Voldemort was standing on a mound, with thousands and thousands of people - muggles - all around him, worshipping him like a god.  
  
And Voldemort then spoke. "Now I will take immortality and you, my slaves, will help me!"  
  
The crowd roared, but Harry could see the fear.   
  
Voldemort then blanketed all the people with a dark mist, screams echoing... tens of thousands of people screaming in agony. And then the mist came back to Voldemort, being absorbed into him. Where people once were, now there were simply skeletons.  
  
Voldemort cackled, his voice of ten thousand voices. "I have power and immortality. I am God! I can do anything!"  
  
Voldemort struck the ground, and the world exploded.  
  
//And so you have the end of the world.//  
  
"All this happens because I die?"  
  
Death nodded.  
  
"I have to live, I can't allow this to happen! Everyone will die, not just some people."  
  
//But what about those people that are already dead. You blame yourself for that.//  
  
"They died for me, so they could assure themselves a future, except Cedric because he was... collateral damage! But deaths are going to happen... If I don't stop Voldemort, then no one will be safe - ever!"  
  
//Then it is time for you to return, if you wish.//  
  
***  
  
"How could we have not known?" Hermione burst out through sobs, "I mean, we were all here for him!" She turned angrily to the person next to her. "Ginny, why didn't you stop him? WHY?" before breaking down completely.   
  
Ron who hadn't spoken, gathered Hermione into his arms, and let her howl into his chest.  
  
Dumbledore was the next person to speak. "It is no one's fault except mine. From what Miss Weasley has told me, about what Harry had spoken before he leapt, it seems that he needed an outlet. Someone who would understand him and not think of him as strange... but for Harry to actually let that person inside all of his defenses would be unthinkable unless they themselves were like Harry, and even then Harry would be suspicious. On the whole, I think he had had enough. From what I can gather, he has hated himself for who he was since he was placed with the Dursley's. I placed him there for his own protection, not realising that this move would eventually kill him."  
  
Madam Pomfrey bustled in. "Come on, out. Visiting time is over. He is obviously not making a move today."  
  
At those words, Ginny broke down. Again.   
  
Dumbledore nodded silently, got up and turned taking Ron and Hermione with him.   
  
Ginny didn't budge. Nor had she budged for the last two days.   
  
Madam Pomfrey muttered something about family stubbornness as she stalked off to her office.  
  
Finally, Ginny reached for Harry's limp hand, and said in broken phrases, "Don't die! C-can't you see that we need you? I-I need you! I understand what you are going though! I nearly killed six people in my first year - I have nightmares about - about Tom... I know what you are going through, but I need you, we all do!"  
  
Then, shocking her completely Harry responded with a croak, "I know. At least I know now."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I've been shown two alternate futures. One where I live, the other where I die. The one where I die is the worst of all existences. Voldemort absorbs power from thousands and thousands of people and then destroys the world. The one where I live, people do die, and I can tell you that the future is bleak. But Voldemort is defeated, and life will go on. I then had to make a choice. Which future do I want for my friends?"  
  
"Oh Harry! Listen, you can tell me anything! But please, no more leaping yourself off the roof!"  
  
Harry chuckled before turning serious, "How much did you hear?"  
  
"All of it."  
  
"I thought so... will you do me a favour?"  
  
"Anything!"  
  
"Write down on paper about what happened to you in your first year, because I'd like to compare notes."  
  
Ginny's face paled, "ok Harry, but only for you, and once you have read it you will burn it won't you?"  
  
"Yes I will Gin. Now let me get some sleep. You look like you could do with some too." Harry finished before drowsiness over took him.  
  
***  
  
Everything was blacker than the darkest night, he could see and feel nothing; the darkness was so thick it was almost tangible. Groping around, he tried to grab hold of something. There! It's... a person? He pulled the person closer. The figure came into view, and it caused Harry to retch. Badly decomposing, with maggots eating in and out of the flesh was Cedric. Harry tried to push the figure away, but he was suspended in midair, the figure animated and moved closer to the squirming Harry and then spoke.  
  
"You killed me. I'm just a spare... remember? It's your fault!"  
  
Before he could answer, the maggots rushed all over the figure blocking it from view, and then traveled back into the corpse, revealing another figure.  
  
"You killed me, if you had checked with the mirror, I'd still be alive. You were foolish!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
The corpse collapsed, the maggots fell away and once more, leaving the utter blackness. The pain! Harry's scar burned with fury, and a high-pitched cold laugh tore through the black mist surrounding him. The pale face, with the burning red slit eyes shone in the darkness, before all the black mists dissipated into the night.   
  
Harry was floating about a foot off the ground; in fact he was a foot from a grave. Harry looked around... he was at the graveyard again.   
  
"You know, it's because that you are still alive that you caused people to die. If you were dead, I would not have killed those people. It is your fault. You resist me; so you can watch all these people die..."  
  
Voldemort clicked his fingers, the graveyard shuddered to life and the graves exploded open.  
  
The closest one was Hagrid who turned to him and said, "It's all yer bloody fault, you weren't there fer me!" before green light erupted around him, causing him to shriek, "THIS IS YER FAULT HARRY!" before being swallowed up by the ground.  
  
Harry tried to speak, but his vocal cords tightened, not letting his voice cry out against this atrocity.  
  
The next figure walked into view. Mrs. Weasley glared at Harry with so much venom that it hurt. "YOU! AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU! TAKING YOU IN AS ONE OF MY OWN! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? YOU CANNOT BE RELIED ON! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she had managed to declare before being encompassed with green light and the ground swallowing her up whole.  
  
Tears streaked down Harry's face, blurring his vision while he was trying to break out of his invisible prison.   
  
Remus Lupin turned to him. "Is this how you love people? Kill them off? You are no better than Voldemort. It IS your fault, and you cannot do anything about it. I hate you!" Again, a green light covered him and the ground swallowed him up.  
  
Voldemort stepped forward cackling, causing the pain in Harry's scar to throb violently. "Hagrid's dead. It's your fault. All your fault. Your Mother and Father, Cedric, Sirius, Hagrid, Molly, Remus. Who else is going to die just because you're the famous Harry Potter? People will die while you are alive, and you know it." The figure of Voldemort cackled, and three figures came into view. "Who should I aim for next? Your mudblood friend here? Or how about your best friend Ron? Or even... Ginny? Hmmm I bet she would make a wonderful queen of evil..."   
  
Voldemort stroked one of his long fingers down Ginny's face, causing her to smile longingly at Voldemort, "For you Master, it would be an honour!"  
  
Harry answered back with confidence, "If you wish."  
  
Voldemort stopped cackling abruptly and turned to Harry. "What?"  
  
"People are going to die anyway. You are going to try to remove my friends as you think it will weaken me. You are wrong. I am standing, and the reason that all my friends stand is because I stand. If you want to do some damage, you will have to destroy me. I've seen a future with me and without me. I'm not scared of you Voldemort, nor am I scared of what you will do to my friends just to try and get to me. Just remember, if you kill off my friends, you will piss me off more and I will hunt you down harder. You're on the losing side, and I will take you down."  
  
Voldemort smiled evilly. "And what about if I take Ginny?"  
  
"If you take her, then when I find you, you will wish that you had never regained your body."  
  
Voldemort's smirk was wiped off his face. "And if I kill you?"  
  
Harry laughed, "You wish. Voldemort, I will defeat you."  
  
Darkness enveloped Harry as Voldemort vanished from view, peace finally causing Harry to rest. 


End file.
